How lovely to see you (oh no, you again).
It’s always a pleasure (it’s always a pain).
Your outfit is splendid (my god, what a hat).
And you’re looking so well (oh my god aren’t you fat).
I gather the business has done rather well.
(I just can’t believe that you know how to sell).
And how are the children, not seen them for years?
(the spoilt little beggars were always in tears).
You’re big at the golf club? (you’re big round the waist).
You’ve got all the gear? (but you haven’t got taste).
I’m glad you’re so happy (so horribly smug).
Good-bye and take care (hope you trip on the rug).