Archive for February, 2011

Last Dance

Little Larry Lightfoot Was slightly round the bend. One night he went out dancing With Emily, his friend. But Larry was compulsive And once the dancing started, It seemed that Larry and his dance Could simply not be parted. He quickly put his left leg in And then he took it out. And then he […]



Toupee or not Toupee?

My Wife can spot a toupee At fifty feet or more. She clocks a Baldy with a wig Before he’s through the door. That careful way of walking, That subtle colour change, That slightly plastic parting That took hours to arrange. I have no way of knowing If she always gets it right: To ask […]



Dirty Mac

My Laptop can be very rude, Sexist, racist, coarse and crude. The cause of this appears to be It’s Apple-Mac and not PC. . .



Brief Encounter

I met her on the internet In an instant I was smitten I threw all caution to the wind Though I had been once-bitten Her long blonde hair and big blue eyes Just stole my heart away I printed off her photograph To keep it near all day I feared she was too good for […]



Doleful

I’m fired; de-hired; given the push. Booted, uprooted; had the bums rush. Heave-Hoed; let goed; out on my eared. Pruned; High Nooned, just as I feared. Outducted, destructed, shoved off, good-byed. Disappeared, engineered, over the side. Sacked, hacked, discarded, disjointed. How do I feel?…..quite dis-appointed.



Chicken Ticker

This is the tale of Surgeon Brown, A transplant man of some renown. One day, whilst strolling through a wood He chanced upon a pool of blood. Beside it lay a severed head, And close at hand, the body – dead! The clue to this calamity Lay propped against a part-sawn tree. A chainsaw, wielded […]



In Loco Parentheses

How lovely to see you (oh no, you again). It’s always a pleasure (it’s always a pain). Your outfit is splendid (my god, what a hat). And you’re looking so well (oh my god aren’t you fat). I gather the business has done rather well. (I just can’t believe that you know how to sell). […]



Cri De Cur

I say we’ve eaten, (You say we’ve dined). I call it posh, (You call it refined). When’t cup is upskittled, (You call it upset). Me bib gets a soaking, (Your napkin gets wet). It makes me feel little, (You call it inferior). It churns up me innards, (You call it interior). I must make me […]



Dressing Down

Pull yourself together lad, You look a proper sight. You haven’t had a shave for days You’re staying out all night. You never ever brush your hair, Your clothes are always scruffy. You wear those great big clompy boots To make you look a toughie. You never say a civil word. You mumble when you […]



Much Ado………..

i-phone, he phone, you phone, she phone, they phone, we phone, All about me phone. I‘m on Facebook, Personal space book, Keeping up the pace book, Staying on my case book. I‘m a little Twitterer, a witterer, a glitterer, a blog and email litterer, a trivia emitterer. I think I need to make it clear […]




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