Bispam Tragacanth

His name is Bispam Tragacanth
He strides around the Stray.
The War made him a hero,
Then it took his wits away

His toecaps shine like mirrors
And his buttons are brass-bright
As ramrod-straight he marches round
Defending chosen bits of ground
Responding to the bugle sound
That calls him to the fight.

For he has seen the sabre flash,
Has heard the cannon’s roar
Has seen his comrades tumbled
With their horses in the gore.

He’s seen the colours drooping
As the standard-bearer fell,
And spurring on his trusty steed
He undertook his valiant deed,
Retrieved the colours with no heed
To sabre, shot and shell

And now he sits upon the Stray
And dreams of glory days.
He doesn’t know that he’s grown old,
Befuddled, in a haze.

And though the louts may mock him,
Or simply pass him by,
Not one dares look into his eyes
Where fighting spirit never dies
And Sergeant Tragacanth still cries
“Come on Lads ….Do or Die!”

 

Mugs Game

Can you believe some ruthless thug,
has gone and nicked my favourite mug?
It was a precious thing to me,
held just the right amount of tea,
and stuck with me for many years
through joy and sadness, smiles and tears.
And now it’s gone without a trace.
There are some thieves around this place.
I am so mad I have to say
If it goes past on someone’s tray
I will not hesitate to jump ‘em.
In fact I’m quite prepared to thump ‘em.
I’m almost at the “tell the boss” stage
‘Cos someone’s taken “Muggy” hostage.
Hanging isn’t good enough
For anyone who’ll do such stuff.
I now intend to………………

Hang on a minute.
Just found it in the dishwasher!