Archive for the 'This and That' Category

Low Spirits

Here we go, it’s the usual tedium. “Why are you restless, Spirit”? asks the Medium. Why does she keep asking? She already knows. I’ve told her before , it’s the state of my clothes. In the land of the living, as a fashion designer, my style was impeccable. Nobody finer. So think how it felt. […]



No Malice of Fourth Thought

Our super-fit Olympic winners Inspired we lump-like sofa-sinners, With Jess and Mo and Chris and Laura, And Vicki – how we all adore her. The country celebrated headily, Crunching crisps and supping steadily. We’d many medals from the North, But who remembers who came fourth? Fourth is the cruelest cut of all. They trained and […]



Humilliation

It can be windy, Whitstable, But the mill on Borstal Hill doesn’t go round. Upkeep isn’t cheap And you can’t buy sails in the sales. So there it stands. Restored but bored. Wanting to give it a whirl, Wanting to fly, but wingless, Its spindly black cross Unmoved by the breeze. It’s a marker for […]



The Grapes of Froth

You know he’s got a wine box though he’s using a decanter. He can’t fool me, and I can see through all that wine buff banter. “Decanted from the bottle”, he says “at great expense”, But if you try to challenge him, he gets a little tense. It’s never seen a bottle, it’s from a […]



Restoration

“Your body is a temple”. That’s what she said to him. “Your body is a temple but you must go down the gym.” “Your body is a temple and it used to be quite thin.” “Your body is a temple, but its roof has fallen in.”  



That’s the Spirit

A glass of brandy perks you up, And whisky makes a warming cup in coffee. And when you’ve got the gang over, Vodka’s good (there’s not much hangover). Whilst Crème de Menthe’s green mint entices, Drambuie with its secret spices makes a change from most liqueurs. When glum, a rum your spirit stirs. But, if […]



Toupee or not Toupee?

My Wife can spot a toupee At fifty feet or more. She clocks a Baldy with a wig Before he’s through the door. That careful way of walking, That subtle colour change, That slightly plastic parting That took hours to arrange. I have no way of knowing If she always gets it right: To ask […]



Dirty Mac

My Laptop can be very rude, Sexist, racist, coarse and crude. The cause of this appears to be It’s Apple-Mac and not PC. . .



Revenge is Sweet?

Lurking, festering, forgotten, It  just lies there, planning its revenge. In the heat, its very being ferments, Until, with a muffled “pop” and a hiss, it explodes, Filling your glove locker With a mess of fizzing fruitiness. The lesson is………………. Never ignore an Old Smoothie.  



Canal Pleasures

It can be a menace, Venice. It can be wet, and yet, On a day when the sun shines, And the wind whips the top Off the chop On the Grand Canal, And the boats ply their trade In a parade Of taxis, buses, barges, And smiling Japanese, Ill at ease Packed in shiny gondolas, […]




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